I first heard this song and HATED it. Then my sister Helen played the music video for me aaaaaand… it kind of grew on me.
This song is more relevant than perhaps I would like it to be for me right now. No one makes being a total bitch look so classy like Beyonce. Look out Hova.
What is the deal with all this bail out crap?
I just heard that the government is trying to push the economic bail out plans through into law so quickly that they are not requiring the companies to explain what they are doing with the money.
This means, for all intents and purposes, that they could just be buying their board of directors Maseratis.
What I don’t understand is why they aren’t helping the citizens. If they give the citizens who make under about $80,000 per household a large sum of money, those people in turn will pay off debt and go buy the products from the companies who need the bailouts, hence helping them. I am not an economist by any stretch of the imagination and I cannot be the first person to come up with this idea.
My sister, a budding journalist at a small college in Oregon, explains her theory on how we should fix our economy. Read her plan here.
Please let me know what you think…!
Last night I watched the French movie Innocence and I got to say it was a rather odd film.
It’s not that I don’t like odd films, anyone who knows me well knows I’m a big fan of deranged cinema. Takaski Miike is the shit.
Innocence is such a chill film at first glance, but its ability to create such a sense of heightened anxiety is impressive. After the opening credits, the movie opens with an underwater shot of rushing water followed by a group of young girls clad in exploitatively short pleated white skirts and shirts to match. These young girls are shot showing their bodies from the waist down so as to emphasize their young, bony, awkward legs and the lack of skirt. In the middle of the shot is a small coffin. The oldest girl, Bianca, opens the coffin while the other girls help to reveal a naked 6 year old named Iris. As soon as I saw this scene, I knew it was going to be an interesting movie.
As the movie continued, I began to feel more and more as if I was a voyeur spying on these perfectly manicured young girls. I appreciated how the story focused on a variety of personalities and hence a variety of reactions to the given situation.
I do not want to “give the movie away,” but I will say that by the end of the film I decided that while I believe teaching young women rules and self discipline is very important, the manner in which it was done in this movie is not anything that aligns with anything I would ever endorse.
My goal as a teacher, more specifically the only female teacher at my facility, is to be a positive role model and teach the female students. I want to tell them and *show* them that they don’t have to grow up dressing like sex toys in order to get respect.
Feel free to comment, I’d looove to hear from YOU!
For some reason, I feel like analyzing film today. I am not entirely sure why, but that is the type of mood I am in.
I attempted to use the new “poll” thing in order to get an opinion from people who are reading.
I would very much appreciate comments, discussion, and so forth in the way of posts, so please feel free to comment on this entry with your thoughts on film directors.
[A is for age:] 25 million
[B is for beer of choice:] “Heineken!? Fuck that shit! Pabst Blue Ribbon, bitch!” (Name that quotation) No, seriously I hate beer.
[C is for career:] Teacher
[D is for favorite Drink:] Diet Pepsi, uh huh
[E is for essential item you use everyday:] my green phone that plays mp3s and takes video :)
[F is for favorite song at the moment:] “The World Is Yours” – Nas
[G is for favorite games:] Sudoku, Chess
[H is for hometown:] Silver Lake/Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio
[I is for instruments you play:] Voice, Piano, Trumpet
[J is for favorite juice?:] CranberRie
[K is for kids?:] 51… ok so I’m a teacher and I have 48 students, 1 dog and 2 cats…but I do want children of my own some day should I stumble across the right person.
[L is for last kiss?:] Last weekend. I rarely see my boyfriend… it’s a sore topic.
[M is for marriage:] Ehhh… Not yet, and it’s not looking good from here. Definitely nothing to rush into.
[N is for name of your best friends:] Adam, Sue, Helen, Oreo
[O is for overnight hospital stays:] Nothing yet, though I get my wisdom teeth out Saturday.
[P is for phobias:] dead fish, 14 Word Press, Military Commissions Act of 2006
[Q is for quote:] “This above all things to thine own self be true.”
[R is for biggest regret:] I regret some things I said while I’ve been angry. As far as decisions, I don’t regret anything even the things that didn’t turn out so well because if all that happened hadn’t happened, I wouldn’t be me.
[S is for self confidence:] It’s not perfect, but having a career has helped it for sure.
[T is for time you wake up:] 7am
[U is for underwear:] Um, yes. I own and wear underwear….underwear that is clean.
[V is for vegetable you love:] Spinach, artichokes
[W is for worst habit:] talking too much…
[X is for x-rays you've had:] x-rays for stress induced muscle spasms! Yay!
[Y is for yummy food you make:] um… I like black beans, rice, and sour cream. I don’t think that counts as cooking, really.
[Z is for zodiac sign :] aRiez
Understanding.
Communication is such an amazing concept. The free flow of ideas from one brain to another.
However, for communication to occur, two elements are compulsory:
1) A communicator who has a message s/he wants to convey.
2) A receiver who has a common form of communication with the speaker *AND* wants to receive the message.
Communication occurs in so many ways. Language is not the only common form of communication. Think of all the ways you can send messages to people.
Speak. Yell. Sing. Call. Dance. Glare. Punch. Whisper. Gesture. Hug. Text. Sign. Touch. Gaze. Shake hands. Blink. Wave. E-mail. Kiss. Play the violin…
The list goes on! While the list of ways to attempt to create a message is virtually infinite, achieving meaningful communication or “an understanding” is a much more miraculous task.
Especially for me…but not for lack of effort. I am often told I am “too intense,” “overstimulating” or “just too much to handle.” Who knows.
I am always searching for ways to create an understanding with someone. As trite as it sounds, I feel horribly misunderstood. I am a loyal warrior of my own existance cast into a world of people too busy to breathe. People who look at you as if you are a child molester if you smile at them in Walgreens. I can speak for periods of time to people and no matter how much I analyze what is being said internally before I say it, the faces I see responding to me look vacant, bored, confused.
I am not plain, usual, or average. I am not what is expected. Instead of intrigue or curiosity, my odd comments and strange ways are usually met by fear.
Occasionally, there are glimmers of hope. Just glimmers. My day is made if someone takes the initiative to say more than “hi” to me. Yesterday in the elevator a young man said “Hey look, the certificate’s expired. Nice work.” He snickered gesturing at the certificate on the wall smiling at me as if he wanted my reaction. I live in those small moments of feeling like my opinion is wanted. I live for the split seconds of time when I see another human face looking at mine with a look of excitement to see me. I feel these times are so few and far between that my sense of belonging is a withering bag of bones on life support.
The irony of all of this is that this is the only thing wrong with my life. I absolutely LOVE everything else that is going on. I have MANY blessings. 1) I adore my job. 2) I am happy to be studying Special Education: Behavior Disorders for my Master’s degree at USF. 3) My relationship with my Dad doesn’t suck anymore. 4) My sister and I made up and are beginning to rekindle the great friendship we once had. 5) Over the last 4 years I have lost about 90 lbs and I am over half way to my goal. 6) I realized that drinking alcohol doesn’t work for me and I have been sober since September 27. 7) I go to AA meetings with regularity and they help me learn and cope. 8) I am happy to have the health insurance I have which allows me to see doctors regularly and take care of my health. 9) While my debt is not going down, I can pay all my bills each month (barely)
Yet, despite all these wonderful blessings, I feel amiss. Something is wrong. Each day I wake elated to go to the job I love but by the time the day is over and it is time for me to go to bed, I am so miserable about my utter lack of meaningful human interaction that I am nearly suicidal.
The worst part of all of this is that the one person that should be reading this won’t. (So why don’t you tell him yourself in person?) I have and he still won’t try to fix the situation.
As each week passes, my hopes of normal relationships with others outside my family dies slowly, excruciatingly. I wish I had the cure. I wish I knew what to do.
I suppose all I can do is be grateful for what I have, take one day at a time, think through my choices, and wait.
Perhaps the best YouTube video ever.
As you may have noticed from my entry titles, I am still obsessed with Nas.
Yesterday was an interesting experience for me. Yesterday was an extremely chaotic day at our facility and I am honestly very grateful that I did not have to go to grad school last night or I likely would have crashed the car from exhaustion on the way there. I am not exaggerating when I tell you that literally every 6 to 8 minutes ALL DAY yesterday there was a call over the radio for staff assistance in one classroom or another.
The kids had one hell of a day.
Last night I stayed after to make sure I was getting all my grading done. I had a question about one students handwriting so I hesitantly walked back to the unit to ask him. I didn’t hear any major conflict so I proceeded through the locked doors.
I walked in to find the 2nd shift staff leading a discussion about how they can behave better in school. In 1 day, one of the male units of 16 students had racked up 35 consequence forms. That is… pretty major.
Anyway, I walked in and asked my question. Just as I turned to leave, the nurse said “Hey, Miss Marie, you should be here for this, we are brainstorming on why we misbehave in school so much, you should speak.”
I was very flattered and at first I didn’t know what to say. I don’t know where my speech came from, but looking back on it, I don’t know how I did it.
“Raise your hand if you have never been to the principal’s office.” I challenged them. Not a single one of them raised his hand. “Notice how I, too, did not raise my hand.” Some of them looked puzzled. Perhaps they see me as someone far away from their reality and so old that I can’t remember my own childhood. “I went to the principal’s office, too. While I was in there I realized that that wasn’t the place I needed to be if I wanted to get ahead.” You could have heard a pin drop. “All the staff is here to help you. I work here because I want to help you. That is my job. All I am asking you to do is accept my help. Come to class and do your work. You know the difference between right and wrong…”
A lot of their attitudes changed today as they came into class as loudly as they normally do. But this time when their eyes met my firm glance, “I’m sorry, Miss,” some said. Not all was perfectly fixed, nor was I naive enough to assume it would be, but there was certainly a change in some of the young men.
Ironically, one of the young men from the other male unit had to be arrested today. During his meeting, the group of employees in charge of his case told the young man that he would be staying at our facility longer because he needs more time to progress to the point where it would be safe to discharge him. At this point, the young man destroyed a chair, broke the magnetic locking door, and punched a window, breaking it. Because he had been making threats that he would do this, and this was not his first time destroying our property, the administration decided to have him arrested.
I really hope that this is a turning point for this young man, but deep in my heart I feel he may not turn around. This scares me. I see the good person in him. I see the academic curiosity, I see the inquisitive nature. It may often hide, but it is there. All that’s left to do is hope that he decides to make better choices from now on and know that each day all anyone can do, myself included, is try as hard as possible. Do not give up. Ever.
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