Not Dead!

So… after almost a 4 month lapse in writing on here, I’ve decided that I really should write more often. It’s good for me… and stuff like that. Because I am quite lazy, I think I am going to post a list.

1) On June 5, I broke up with Adam after close to 3 years of being with him. This is the hardest thing I’ve had to do because I knew it would break his heart, he hadn’t done anything wrong, and I still love him, but I cannot keep going on in a relationship where I don’t feel the other person loves me *romantically*

2) I really enjoy rollerblading. I don’t know why people act like it’s such a hard thing to do. Shoot, if I can do it, it must not be THAT hard. I mean really.

3) Cake Boss, the new show about Carlo aka Buddy Jr. from Carlo’s Bakery in Hoboken, NJ is just… priceless. Maybe I love the accent… I don’t know.

4) I really wish I could bring Oreo into school and have him in my classroom. I think he would regulate quite well… give him a radio and a blue polo shirt…

5) I am totally looking forward to 16 days off (other teachers get about 9 weeks…but 2 weeks is better than none at all! See how I chose to call it “16 days” rather than 2 weeks… it sounds longer :)

6) I still want to swim from Cuba to FL with a shark cage around me.

7) I live in a town full of jerks.

8) I just so happened to meet this new awesome guy named Chris the day after I broke up with Adam… I feel like a dickhead, but I didn’t cheat on Adam so I don’t know why I feel sort of guilty about being so happy with Chris.

9) ShaqBron O’James bitches.

10) Wes hates Gran Torino, but something about Clint Eastwood talking about getting “babbling gooks” off his lawn makes me laugh really hard.

11) Making bracelets is just awesome. I kind of spend too much money on beads to make them. Anyone want to buy a handmade bracelet for $3?

12) “Toddlers and Tiaras” on TLC is like a car accident… it’s so horrible and people are getting hurt but I can’t look away.

13) I miss my mommie.

14) Ok seriously can we talk about Rasheed “Hockey temper” Wallace being on a team headed up by Doc “Hey wow I didn’t get a technical THIS game” Rivers… talk about civil war…

15) I really need a new cell phone… the sad part is I kind of only want a green one… I’ll likely settle for something else. lol.

16) I just bought a navy blue 2009 Honda Element which Adam named “The Lunch Box“

17) Who the hell kicks a door in to an apartment and kills a 19 year old pregnant woman?

18) Chris is in the process of moving into a house with his friends who are all musicians… I am so excited to hang out with him and other music people :-D

19) One of my students likes drinking blue raspberry juice, chocolate milk, and salt all mixed together.
I don’t ask either.

20) Breaking up with Adam, while extremely painful, is quite a relief because now when I look at him I don’t think “Why don’t you love me romantically?!!!!” and get all angry, I look at him and think “What a cool funny guy that I get to hang out with!” I’m able to enjoy what I love about him as a friend now that I don’t have to lug around all the resentment for our lack of romance.

21) I think I’m going to make an effort to watch more NHL games this year because I like hockey and Sue likes going and so that will be cool.

22) I’ve really enjoyed going to see Chris’ friend Ryan’s band Gumbo Boogie every Wednesday at Pelican Pete’s on Cortez Rd. in Bradenton.

23) Am I really 26? I feel like I’ve been through enough and look like I could be 45 but as far as my attitude and where I am in my life as far as marriage and family, I’d say I’m more 23ish.

24) Helen is going to India in around 6 weeks I think… I am so excited for her!

25) My brain is a blender that makes good smoothies.

Damnit Helen.

I first heard this song and HATED it. Then my sister Helen played the music video for me aaaaaand… it kind of grew on me.

This song is more relevant than perhaps I would like it to be for me right now. No one makes being a total bitch look so classy like Beyonce. Look out Hova.

Star Wars

“It looks like the straight talk express lost a wheel on that one…”

- Barack Obama during his debate with John McCain on Tuesday, October 7, 2008

 

Oh, politics… how they make simultaneously confuse, frustrate, and yet give false hope.  The debate was pretty funny.  It never ceases to amaze me how the candidates manage to completely elude the question, hence defeating the entire purpose of the “town hall” setting of the meeting.

I would like to think that Barack Obama will win the election, however, even if he does, I often feel our country is so far in trouble, it’s going to take years to regain ourselves.  Our education and healthcare systems are deplorable and yet all of our money is going over to fight a war that is a huge mistake.

I feel very fortunate to have the job I have.  I love what I am doing and while I am in mass amounts of debt, I make enough to scrape by.

Honestly, the only real problem with my life is that I feel so disconnected.  I feel like I am an alien from a far off galaxy visiting earth.  It’s so damn trite I know but I feel so lonely and misunderstood.  I don’t have many friends and I feel like most people see me as really weird and/or annoying.  The problem is I don’t think that I am and I don’t want to change for anybody but this causes me to be alienated and makes me miserable.

I guess what gets me through each day is the love of my job and knowing that I’m helping kids make progress…but still I am lonely.  I may not be alone, but I feel more lonely than I’ve ever felt.  As a child I didn’t understand how someone could feel lonely in a room of people.  Now that I am 25, I often feel lonely in a crowded mall or driving down the road in traffic.  I lack real human interaction.  Something meaningful.  Something more than “Hi.”  I need love in the worst way but in our society looking for love is only something “losers” do.

I wish more than anything that I had someone to spend my life with.  Someone who would want to discuss/playfully debate/argue music and movies with me.  Someone who would dance with me and not care if he or she is a shitty dancer.  Someone who loves animals as much as I do.  Someone who has a weird distinctive personality.  Someone who has passion about his or her career.  Someone who likes the outdoors and/or swimming.  Someone who doesn’t have a desire to do drugs or alcohol regardless of his or her past.  Someone who finds me interesting and sexy.  This person would be my ideal.  Perhaps I set my standards too high, because it seems that this person does not exist.

Until the day comes when this person lands in my life, should that day ever come, I suppose I will continue to live through the times when Gene Kelly or Rita Hayworth have a romantic moment on my TV screen.

Got Yourself A Job

Thoughts from today…

1) I am still obsessed with Nas.  I love Nas.  He’s just about all I can listen to.

2) I really like my job.  My first day was interesting and… pleasurably overwhelming.

3) What do you do when you really love so much about someone and you know that that person would be there in an emergency but you just don’t feel you are getting appreciated the way you should?

4) I love animals!  Oreo is the strangest little dog.  He really does look like a baby deer, a cat, and a dog all at the same time.  I know that sounds hideous, but he’s really cute, I swear.

5) The medical system in this country is so beyond messed up I could not even begin to describe it in this entire blog let alone one sentence.

6) Trying your best is just necessary.  All the time.

So… If you were making classroom rules for at-risk students, which would you choose?