The World Is Yours

As you may have noticed from my entry titles, I am still obsessed with Nas. 

Yesterday was an interesting experience for me.  Yesterday was an extremely chaotic day at our facility and I am honestly very grateful that I did not have to go to grad school last night or I likely would have crashed the car from exhaustion on the way there.  I am not exaggerating when I tell you that literally every 6 to 8 minutes ALL DAY yesterday there was a call over the radio for staff assistance in one classroom or another. 

The kids had one hell of a day.

Last night I stayed after to make sure I was getting all my grading done.  I had a question about one students handwriting so I hesitantly walked back to the unit to ask him.  I didn’t hear any major conflict so I proceeded through the locked doors.

I walked in to find the 2nd shift staff leading a discussion about how they can behave better in school.  In 1 day, one of the male units of 16 students had racked up 35 consequence forms.  That is… pretty major. 

Anyway, I walked in and asked my question.  Just as I turned to leave, the nurse said “Hey, Miss Marie, you should be here for this, we are brainstorming on why we misbehave in school so much, you should speak.” 

I was very flattered and at first I didn’t know what to say.  I don’t know where my speech came from, but looking back on it, I don’t know how I did it.

“Raise your hand if you have never been to the principal’s office.” I challenged them.  Not a single one of them raised his hand.  “Notice how I, too, did not raise my hand.”  Some of them looked puzzled.  Perhaps they see me as someone far away from their reality and so old that I can’t remember my own childhood.  “I went to the principal’s office, too.  While I was in there I realized that that wasn’t the place I needed to be if I wanted to get ahead.”  You could have heard a pin drop.  “All the staff is here to help you.  I work here because I want to help you.  That is my job.  All I am asking you to do is accept my help.  Come to class and do your work.  You know the difference between right and wrong…”

A lot of their attitudes changed today as they came into class as loudly as they normally do.  But this time when their eyes met my firm glance, “I’m sorry, Miss,” some said.  Not all was perfectly fixed, nor was I naive enough to assume it would be, but there was certainly a change in some of the young men.

Ironically, one of the young men from the other male unit had to be arrested today.  During his meeting, the group of employees in charge of his case told the young man that he would be staying at our facility longer because he needs more time to progress to the point where it would be safe to discharge him.  At this point, the young man destroyed a chair, broke the magnetic locking door, and punched a window, breaking it.  Because he had been making threats that he would do this, and this was not his first time destroying our property, the administration decided to have him arrested.

I really hope that this is a turning point for this young man, but deep in my heart I feel he may not turn around.  This scares me.  I see the good person in him.  I see the academic curiosity, I see the inquisitive nature.  It may often hide, but it is there.  All that’s left to do is hope that he decides to make better choices from now on and know that each day all anyone can do, myself included, is try as hard as possible.  Do not give up. Ever.

State of Mind

My head is spinning.  For sure.

Here I come, there I go.

I feel like I am always on the go.

At least I really enjoy my job.  I absolutely adore my job.  I teach reading at an inpatient psychiatric facility to children that have some pretty serious mental problems.  Some of my students have bipolar disorder, some of them have schizophrenia, many are victims of physical and sexual abuse, most do not know their birth parents.  Some, even, are sex abusers themselves. 

When I stop to think about what I have read in their files, it makes me cry.  It’s so odd though, I read a file, then the kid walks into my class.  “*That* kid?” I think.  In all the numbers and calculations and diagnoses and paperwork and admitting and discharging and transport and drama people seem to forget… they are children.

Like Scanners

Seriously. My head will soon explode.

So many feelings and obligations and issues running around concurrently but I think I can do it. For some reason, despite all this chaos, I really just keep getting this feeling that something good will happen. Something good can and will come of this.

On a totally awesome note, you can click here, search for my name, and see my Professional Educator’s Certificate now!!!

On Friday night, Adam and I went to see The Happening with Mark (“Markie Mark” as Adam calls him) Wahlberg. We heard it was bad, but we wanted to see how bad and decided to go spend $2 to see it at the Dollar Theater only to discover we overpaid.
I was seriously taken aback at how awful the film was. There was no character development, no plot, a horrendous script, and to top it all off, the role just didn’t suit Markie Mark. He’s better in roles where he can be an action star or an asshole. This role theoretically necessitated some very serious dramatic acting, which he just didn’t have going on.
Very little had been accomplished when “A Film by M. Night Shyamalan” faded into the sky after a brief 91 minutes. “Um, what?” I said to Adam in disbelief that 1) The film was over and 2) absolutely nothing “happened.”
I still wonder what the movie execs at 20th Century Fox were thinking. I sat there dumbfounded waiting for something to “happen,” wondering what I was watching and yet, despite the fact I have a crush on Zooey Deschanel, I was still amazed at how bored I was. Maybe that’s Shyamalan’s big “twist” this time, that we’re all waiting for something to “happen,” and that this “happening” is never coming.

This was also the facial expression I made when, after 91 minutes, the film was over and nothing had "happened."

Today

“You know today, I just woke up and I said, you know, instead of waitin’ on a good day, waitin’ around, through ups and downs, waitin on something to happen, I just say, ‘I’m gonna have a good day …”

- Nappy Roots from the song “Good Day”

I am definitely have a good day today because I signed into the <a href=”http://www.fldoe.org/”>Florida Department of Education</a> website to discover that they finally got to my Professional Certificate application and according to that, I have my Professional Certificate now!  Hopefully this means the paper one will be coming in the mail soon!

We haven’t really had many responses at all to our news efforts, but I’m not giving up on the school yet!  Keep hoping!

If you or anyone you know has space they have trouble renting in Bradenton, FL and they would be willing to make a deal with our school, please call (941) 567-1022!

“If you don’t have a dream, how’re you going to make a dream come true?”

-Dizee Rascal

Let’s Hope…

Today the news crew from Tampa Bay’s 10 came to do a story on our school and how we need $60,000 or we have to close.

Here’s the link to the story.

I’ve been watching Kathy Griffin recently and I saw her talking about starting a small school like Oprah did. I keep wishing that there were a way I could get in contact with her to tell her about our problem. I really feel like she would help us if there were a way to contact her. Her website makes it seem like they get so many emails that they couldn’t possibly read all of them let alone answer all of them.

We only have until August 15 to make this happen and I’m not someone who just gives up… especially on a cause like this one.

If you have any ideas, let me know!

Embrace Change

“All men dream, but not equally.

Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds,

wake in the day to find that it was vanity:

but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men,

for they may act on their dreams with open eyes, to make them possible.”

- T. E. Lawrence

The above quotation inspires me quite a bit. I do dream that the SONG Program can continue to exist. Ways to make this possible consume my consciousness to the point where I forget what time it is. I keep imagining these girls going back to public school and being put in a class with 20 other kids and a teacher. This is of course not to say that the teachers they would get would not be capable and intelligent, just that they would also be responsible for 20+ other children and that there would be no where near as much one-on-one assistance and no regular personal and family therapy.

I mean, sure, I am worried about my job, but honestly, the much bigger concern is the children. It may take me one day, one week, or one year to get a teaching job, but eventually, I’ll get one. These children get one childhood. One chance to ramp it up, develop good habits, and get the skills they need to pass school and not drop out. I hope something good happens…

Save Our Next Generation

As many of you know, I teach at a small school that services 8 to 12 year old girls year round. Here is our mission:

“PACE provides girls and young women an opportunity for a better future through education, counseling, training, and advocacy.”

We were told in a staff meeting Thursday that if we don’t raise $60,000 for the coming year’s rent/operating costs by August 15, we have to close. This means that the girls we service have to go back to public school for the first day of school on August 18.
This means larger class sizes, less one-on-one attention, very little counseling if any, and they have to adjust to a whole new environment again.

Many of these girls have needs like behavior problems that are not adequately addressed by public school. At PACE’s SONG Program, we provide the support these girls need to get them back to the point where they can succeed in public school and not drop out because they are behind.

Believe me, I know people don’t have a lot of money to spare in today’s economy but even if you have even $5 or $10 to spare, this will help. Thank you so much for your help!! (We’re non-profit – It’s a tax write-off!)

Please contact our school at:

PACE Center for Girls, SONG Program
2620 Manatee Ave W, Suite E
Bradenton, FL 34205
(941) 567-1022

I’ve attached a link to an article the Bradenton Herald did about our school today!

Thank you so much!

I am on the far left in green (of course) with the other staff members and some of our girls.

Bradenton Herald Article

The Life Aquatic

Holy. Crap.

Today has been quite the interesting day so far.  I saw a flamingo for the first time which was totally awesome.  This is a picture I took myself.  I got to feed flamingos and see all kinds of cool animals on our field trip to Sarasota’s Jungle Gardens.

It was SO unbelievably hot and humid.  It was truly air you could chew on.  Around 12:30, the rain came.  I was driving 6 girls back in the school van during a terrential downpour.  It was a very nerve-racking experience for me because I had never driven a school van in the rain before, the commute was 30 minutes, and, most importantly, I was in charge of the safety and well-being of the 6 girls that were in my car.

The road in front of me continued to flood and I could barely see.  The windshield wipers were on as fast as they would go.  I wanted to pull over but I didn’t want to lose the van I was following.  The girls were almost sleeping as they were exhausted from the playground, the heat, the walking around, and harassing the ducks during lunch time.

Just as we were almost back to school, the traffic light by school was flashing red instead of changing yellow, red, green.  I decided instead of trying to force a left turn to get to school that I would go right, take a left, take a left, and take a right.  It’s amazing how the second you do something different than the girls expect, they notice right away.  The girls almost simultaneously said “Miss Marie, where are you going?!  School is THAT way!”

I’m just so happy I made it back to school with everyone safe. Whew!  Definitely fun!